Bob Conlin - Coach, Leader, Alchemist

Jason Frazell: 0:12

All right, everybody. My guest on the show today is the amazing Bob Conlon Bob Conlon knows more about the more about me than most of my other guests. And I'm gonna tell you why in a minute. So Bob, and if you know Bob at all, which you are gonna get to know, Bob, this is so on brand. He's a dad, adorable little boy, which we're going to talk about. He's a husband, and he's a men's coach. As I say, upfront, I got to know Bob a little bit earlier this year. And then we had a conversation. And I've been a part of an amazing experience that Bob has created called alchemy of men, and it's a men's specific group. So it's me and some other men, we get together for an hour and a half a week. And we get to be men, and talk about things that are important to us being fathers being husbands. How are things going in our business? So I just want to say that upfront that that's how I know, Bob. So you know, like, he's heard me talk about some pretty private things, which is good. I also know some things about Bob, because he shares he shares with us. He's part of the group as well. So, Bob, I'm so glad we're able to make this happen. I can't wait to have this conversation with you. How are you today?

Bob Conlin: 1:16

I'm doing well, man. It's great to be here. And I can't wait to share with your audience all this stuff that I learned about you the last couple months. So perfect.

Jason Frazell: 1:25

Perfect. That is why I invited Bob so that he can publicly shamed up. Wait. Yeah,

Unknown: 1:31

I would say which listeners goes against one of the core ethical tenants of being a coach, which is confidentiality, I would never do that. We don't respect

Jason Frazell: 1:38

that here on the podcast. Oh, we throw all ethics. Well, the other thing that Bob and I were joking about is Bob is also the president of the coach federal international coaching Federation, Chicago chapter, which means if he was to break ethics, that would be an actual problem for me. Not as much for you like you're actually leading a pretty large organization.

Unknown: 1:58

Yeah, I think coaching police would come after me. And arrest me. So yeah, for sure. You get

Jason Frazell: 2:04

called down to Lexington, Kentucky for like a for a tribunal. Like are we going to kick you out? From this volunteer position? Yep. I love that. All right, Bob. I know we have a lot to talk about. So let's get right into it. Yeah, what's something you What is something that you nerd out about?

Unknown: 2:20

Huh? Dungeons and Dragons. The first thing that came in my mind I didn't want to say it but I'm gonna say it. I even as a little kid, I've always been drawn to like the mystical the evil like the dark, the mysterious. And, like, as a 47 year old grown man, like one of the things I love to do is play Dungeons and Dragons. I haven't done it in a little while. I want to be upfront with your listeners about that. But cup pre COVID and even into a little bit of COVID There's like five six guys of us. We get together usually once or twice a month and you know, we play four or five, six, our game of Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah.

Jason Frazell: 3:01

Are you a member of the Hellfire Club?

Unknown: 3:03

I'm not Oh, it is kind of apropos now. Right, thanks to Stranger Things, but ya know, but in heist, you know, i My love of dungeons of dragons was formed early in those formative years in high school, you know, a couple of friends that I would get together we actually played in a heavy metal band as well, which is of course,

Jason Frazell: 3:21

are you the grown version of Eddie Munson?

Unknown: 3:23

Yes. Yep.

Jason Frazell: 3:26

Yeah, I awesome.

Unknown: 3:28

I'll send you a picture. Maybe you can include it in some of the show notes. Yeah, someone just posted like a band photo from the band. I was in when I was Yeah. 14. You know, where we got our long hair. And we're all like looking tough and stuff. It's like dangerous.

Jason Frazell: 3:42

Yeah. That's cool. Man. This is apropos. I my podcast that came out today. So we're recording this on August 17. My episode that came out today as a gentleman named David carpenter. And he is a former Broadway producer, and he's the CEO of a company called gamey attics. And they put on live. One of the things they're doing he's in Scotland right now. They're doing a live like theater production of kind of a Dungeons and Dragons style theatre production. And when you're in the audience, the game biotics it's an app company and you get to participate on Wow, how silly Yeah, so it tells you like how do you roll and like oh, like So here's what's happening. So you'll have to listen the episode is out today it's really fascinating. I'm actually going to have my my tech podcast to talk about the business aspect of it the technology of it but it's such a cool combination of all the things he learned doing Broadway shows and he produced some pretty successful shows to now he's a tech founder nice app things like It's like interactive theater but with a with like a Dungeons and Dragons fantasy their flair. So second time, second time this has come up this week.

Unknown: 4:48

Yeah, it's like Choose Your Own Adventure, which is you know, essentially done, you know, well, yes, choose your dungeon master's adventure because they're leading the thing but I love I love the interactive nature of that because that is I mean, yes, it's about playing the game. But there's so much about just getting together with friends and doing something like fun and creative and constructive. It was that you know, place and of course was all guys because no woman would want to be near us in that basement playing Dungeons and Dragons. But now, it was a bunch of guys getting together. Having fun playing games. Yeah, talking about stuff that matters. Yeah, it's really good.

Jason Frazell: 5:23

Yeah, I do that. But I do it online through my PS five or my Xbox. Nice. Xs. I'm a I'm a huge gamer. And then we have a mutual friend Christina. And Mary Traci has and we talked about I talked about this on their podcast, which is anime focus, but we actually had a video game episode. Because I'm I said to them, I know nothing about anime, but you want to talk about Dark Souls or blood borne or we'll be here all day. I'm so I'm a big RPG here. But electronic version of it. Yeah. Cool. Which is, which is which is actually the machine running in the background of video games. It's all d&d based, like, rolls. Super cool. So what's something that's inside of your inside of your comfort zone that you know other people are like, No, besides sitting in a smelly basement with other 14 year old dudes playing Dungeons and Dragons? Because we know that we know that was not the place that you were, you're working on the romantic prowess? Very likely.

Unknown: 6:21

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So something that's in my comfort zone that might not be in someone else's? Yeah. Man, there's, you know, I think like with the with the work I do, you know, as a coach, it's so much about throwing people outside of what's comfortable for them. outside of our comfort zone is where the realm of possibility exists. Yep. And that's where, you know, if you want a new experience in life, or you want a new relationship, a new career, you want to make more money, you want to be a better leader, it's all going to require you to step outside of what's known and what's comfortable for you. So I think like, and in like, as I work I do with my clients, I'm also doing my own work with my own coach, and like, Man, I am so frickin far out of my comfort zone to feel like I'm in it right now. It's like, yeah, what is actually in it, but I probably say being on stage, playing, you know, playing music, like commanding a presence, you know, in in myself development work and as the work as a coach, I'm also a leader, right? Like, like you mentioned, I'm the president of ICF Chicago, I serve on a couple of nonprofit boards as well and it's all places I get to practice being a leader. And being a leader is it's a big, it's a big task, it's a big opportunity, it's a big call forward to step into who I know and think of myself to be right and at times it's like super uncomfortable and like prior to that my corporate job you know, I was a director of operations I lead teams of over 200 You know, having very hard conversations every single day hiring firing, getting the most out of really high performing function people like I'm the guy had to come in and tell them to do more. So you know, I think it's like you know, what's in my comfort zone is is leading right leading a charge like like you mentioned before I you know, I lead the alchemy of man group. My buddy Alex and I were leading this retreat and it's you know, I would say that it's been been at the forefront right being out being leading change, leading a different conversation. I think it's something that's probably inside my comfort zone, it might not be in everyone else's. Yeah. One thing that that I don't always like it. I hate it more than I like

Jason Frazell: 8:36

it. Yeah, of course. I would say Bob, I don't usually give this I don't usually give this to the guests because quite frankly, I don't know is know the answer. It's up when I had my wife on plug for Episode One, season three this season. The thing that I think one of your superpowers is being willing to go in on hard questions for men specifically, like looking at the things for men that most out in the I don't want to call it the real world. But these are not questions that you address in a corporate context or quite frankly, even in like, most church, most religious organizations are just not things that you address is man, I think that's your one of your superpowers and think that you are, you know, like said may not be completely comfortable, but you are willing to do. So let's take a look at the flip side of that. What's something that you are just Nope, it's outside of your comfort zone. And you know that other people love it?

Unknown: 9:37

Yeah, it's a good question. And I, you know, I'm kind of I'm kind of, you know, down for whatever, right, like, I'm kind of always open to experiences but trying to think you know, maybe

Jason Frazell: 9:51

I have one for you. Go ahead, coming up with an answer to this question on a podcast. Yeah,

Unknown: 9:56

one. I immediately thought like, oh, like hey, going out with my in laws for more than four days.

Jason Frazell: 10:03

Yeah, I think that's outside of a lot of people's comfort zones. I'm I'm very fortunate. That's my in my in live one in LA she's fantastic. She's listening. Yep. So I'm very forced that isn't even that is inside my comfort zone for sure. But it's very situational.

Unknown: 10:17

Totally. Yeah, setting setting is so important. But, I mean, I love my in laws, you know, and there's like, there's a time limit, right? There's a whole family dynamic that I get thrust into when I'm with them that I didn't grow up with. I didn't have years and years of experience with and how to navigate and be with and, and like, kind of what my role is in that. And you know, a lot of the work I do is relational it's relationship work. And that's just one of the places that's uncomfortable for me, because I'm like, I'm totally in the unknown. I don't know how to act. I don't have, like, I don't have, I don't, I'm gonna say the word power, but not like in a power dynamic. But I have access to like, who I am as a man and like a leader and a husband and a father. It's like, I'm just kind of one of the kids that's getting bossed around told what to do. And I'm just like, How dare you? Don't you know who I am? So my righteousness gets thrust? Yeah, I would say like, that's probably it's a great question, man. Because I don't really think about it. I haven't thought about it in this way. But yeah, it's like being with my in laws for a certain period of time is a place that's outside of my comfort zone. For sure.

Jason Frazell: 11:23

Yeah. Yeah, that's a great quote. That's the first time I've asked a hunter and I was telling you, what is he? This is episode 140 that I've recorded. That's the first time I've heard that one. Which it's funny, because that's actually something that you would think a lot of people would say.

Unknown: 11:37

Yeah, totally. Right. Yeah. They want it like, Yeah, I mean, it's honest. It's vulnerable. Right? Yeah. Like a to say it right. Oh, my God, if they're listening, I can't say that. Right. So you know, they're listening. Yes. I love you. I love you very dearly. And it's also, you know, requires a level of openness to share in that way. Like, yeah, man, I feel like I'm, I'm lost sometimes, like, I don't have access to who I know myself to be. Yep. In this family dynamic at times. Yeah, Bob, I

Jason Frazell: 12:02

have some I don't know if you've considered this good news or bad news. But I'm just gonna say it out loud. All right, you do realize that someday when your son's on a podcast, this will be his answer. Or his his partner. This will be his answer. Except those in laws. Kobe, you and your wife.

Unknown: 12:18

I know, bro. I know. I know. You have a

Jason Frazell: 12:21

young you have a young you have a young child just like we have a young child. Yeah. It's so part of out of the purview of like, oh, wow, this this, this little human is someday going to actually likely statistically, they're going to be married or have a domestic partner and it's statistically probable they're going to have a family. Yep. And then we're going to be the in laws for somebody, likely they're going to feel the same way.

Unknown: 12:45

Right? Yeah. And I, you know, I always, you know, I guess my commitment is to, to have the, like, dynamic, the experience that my son gets to have and our family as well as being open and creative, and he gets to be curious and explore and, and all that. And, man, there's many times where I've heard, like, my mom's voice come out of my mouth. Or, you know, like, there's this version of me and like, who just said that, right. And it's, I can already see where it's gonna be. It's a challenge. Parenting is the hardest job I've ever ever had. And yeah, since becoming a father, I have so much more compassion for parents, like specially my own, especially my own like, yep, having you know, I'm, we had forest when I was forest as my son's name, we had forest when I was 45. So, you know, my mom didn't get to be a grandma until, you know, just recently and it has given like, our whole family a whole new purpose and it's helping us heal and explore and, and connect in ways that we haven't done in a long time or if ever, and it's like, you know, it's like it's just given me that kind of different view to look at. Whoa, you know, my mom did the best she could have what she had. Yeah, like know for sure did the best he could with what he had. My stepdad did the best he could with what he had and, and yeah,

Jason Frazell: 14:14

yeah, I love that Bob. Yeah, perspective and, and also, when you have the little grandkids that helps you all realize, oh, we need to behave.

Unknown: 14:23

They're always watching Man.

Jason Frazell: 14:24

They're always watching. They're like little spies. They're like, Oh, they're like, around the corner there. Their ears are perked up. They're like so tuned to their environment. They're, they're much closer in some ways to what I would say like a dog or something in terms of like, you know, like dogs especially they're very in tune to the environment all the time. Most dogs I know they go out it's like kids they like I guess like gets trained out of you as a human. As you start to get older. You start to have higher filters for things but the little you know, your, your son is really close to the same age as my son. The dude is like he's everywhere and listens, hears everything and he tries to repeat things and like He wants to do all the same things that we do. It's a ton of fun, but also got to be careful.

Unknown: 15:06

So yeah, I mean there he's always watching and learning and like he'll he's, he's at the eighth he's just a little over two and he's just starting to pick up on the nuances of being human and being in relationship and how and causes effects. Yep. What's that manipulate

Jason Frazell: 15:21

his parents? Yeah.

Unknown: 15:22

How to manipulate his parent. Oh, my God, that was like our morning, if you could have saw it was a frickin disaster. Oh, he was going nuts. My wife's trying to like mother him in you know, like the nurturing, protective, strong way. And I'm over here, like, let's just shut the kid up. Like, you. Let's just try to have a good morning. And it was just like a complete disaster. And everyone's just like, you know, it's almost

Jason Frazell: 15:43

like you it's almost like you are also it's almost like you and I had the exact same morning this morning. That's exactly what happened. Well,

Unknown: 15:51

it feels so good to hear that because like, Oh, I think when you're in it, like no one. I mean, more parents need to talk about how awful it is to be a parent. I'm just gonna say it more people need to talk about how hard it is. The other channels

Jason Frazell: 16:04

not for everybody. You don't need to do it. You don't have to you don't have to have. The other thing I'll say about this too. And I'm sure you and I could soap boxes for the next 35 years. Sure. You don't need to have multiple kids. Nobody says an only child is a bad thing. I like my wife has an only child. My dad's an only child. They're amazing people. There's nothing wrong with having a bunch of siblings and there's nothing wrong with parents that go you know, you just want one. Cool you do you bro because like it's your life. But like, really quickly before we move on. And I've talked about Charlie on this podcast is is my podcast, of course. I'm gonna talk a little bit about my kids. Yeah. His his mode of operation in the morning is when I get up. We got up early this morning. And I like to take him for a long walk with the dog. And we have the best time. You know, he's he's at the chattering age where he doesn't really make sense. But he knows what he's saying. We laugh we listened like the Grateful Dead. We like we're like, you know, like on the phone, and it's amazing. And then we walk in the house. And suddenly it's mama, mama. And then he hears her come down. And I'm like, how did he just go from the morning we had were like two dudes hanging out. loving each other two likes, he's slamming his head on the floor. And that, of course, like the manipulation is real. And I told my wife Kirsten, I said, He's manipulating you right now. He wants your attention. Don't give it to him when he's acting this way. He knows what he's doing. Yep.

Unknown: 17:22

Do that. 100% have had that exact experience on multiple occasions. Yeah. It feels so good. Just to hear another. Thank you. Thank you for helping me feel it not feel alone in that. Like, oh, God, like man. I told I told my wife two nights ago we're kind of having a heart to heart and bed like right before bed. You know, when you that's when you have those important conversations, right? You're trying to go to bed, but I was just like,

Jason Frazell: 17:45

yeah, that's the best time for sure. Yeah, I was tired. A long day. That's the That's it. I'm

Unknown: 17:50

like, sometimes it's just easier when you're not here. You know, she's like, That breaks my heart. And I'm like, well, it is that reason. Like, we're just bro now having a good time playing in running around. And then he sees mom and it's just like, uh, he gets possessed by a demon. Yeah. And yeah, I don't know if that's maybe some left over biological trait for survival. But yeah. Oh, good. I mean, I'm glad I'm not alone. That No, you're

Jason Frazell: 18:19

definitely not alone. I'll bet you if we had some other mutual friends from the group, they'd be like, yep, yep. Yeah. Yep. Cool. So Bob, let's talk a little bit about speaking and you're a man with many powerful, bold messages. You've been through a lot. We're going after the break we're going to talk about, we're actually spend a little bit time talking about the journey that you and your wife went through, which is unbelievable story that ended up on national news. What if you had five minutes and everybody in the world is listening to this podcast? First of all, I'd be doing it from a yacht or on Mars or something? Because I'd be the richest person ever via 7 billion listeners. I don't, unfortunately. What would you talk to us about what would be your call to action for it to us?

Unknown: 18:59

Never underestimate the power of love and hope. And the power of positivity. You know, I think that speaks to mindset, which is so important what we do as coaches and it also speaks to belief, what you believe and know to be possible for you and your life. And I think if you can align both those things, action and mindset, miracles happen and a miracle did happen.

Jason Frazell: 19:28

Yeah, we're going to talk about that after the break. Yeah, so as I'm in the I'm in the audience, I you know, me I believe in the same thing. People in the audience listening here or that you give this speech somewhere, what do you want us to do to tangibly do with that?

Unknown: 19:44

I think to notice, notice where you spend most of your time thinking, right and thoughts become things right. There's that awesome saying that you're the average of the five people you hang around with All right. And I'd like to add to that you're the average of the five thoughts that you typically think, oh, man,

Jason Frazell: 20:07

I love that. Yeah.

Unknown: 20:08

So if you wake up every day, and you're like, oh, man, I don't want to do this or work as hard or I'm so tired, or I don't want to have to talk to that person, or gotta gotta go do this thing. And yet, like, notice that right notice, like, where your the themes of your thoughts typically are? And are they supporting the experience of life that you want. And, you know, in there, there's like scientific research about how your brain your brain is wired, your brain is lazy as hell your brain wants to create the quickest area from point A to B. So sure, your brain wants to read, it does rewire. So your thoughts don't have to take much energy. So if you're constantly thinking, thinking in this negative mindset, it's gonna You're the neuroplasticity of your brain, it's going to grow those connections so well that you don't have to put much energy into it. And it just creates this loop. Yep. And you're in this constant negative mindset. So like working on your mindset, and way I do that is actually become the watchmaker, watch what you're actually thinking and name it out. Well, I just thought I was a failure. Well, I just thought, My wife's a big jerk. Or well, I thought that that person's a loser. Right? I had a judgment about that person, or, Man, I'm really worried about finances, or whatever it is, and start to become the watcher of your thoughts.

Jason Frazell: 21:36

I love that. That is a good place to go to a commercial break. And for those who don't like to pay attention to commercials, maybe can watch your thoughts on what you think about the commercial or how this episodes been so far. I know I was present to that's mind blowing. To actually name your thoughts. Before we go to the commercial break, Bob tactically? Do you write them down? Do you say them out loud to somebody else? You just like? How do you? What's your mechanism for doing that? Yeah,

Unknown: 22:01

I mean, if you want bonus points, and to get a plus write them down, and you know, not in not in a nap, like literally take pen to paper that I don't know why. But there's more power to that. There's no power to I don't know what's behind it. But energetically I know it. I know what my clients, I know it within myself, once you put pen to paper, there's something extra there. So write it down. But first, like, you have to separate it like you are not those thoughts. And we So wrap ourselves up with identifying with those thoughts that we are that loser, we are that failure. We are that fear, right? And we're not we're just having that experience. And once you can separate that, then you can start writing it down.

Jason Frazell: 22:43

Yeah. Awesome. We'll be back right back after this.

Unknown: 22:47

The talking to cool people podcast is brought to you by Jason for sell coaching. Jason works with amazing people who are looking to find and develop their passion and purpose and create their journey to wherever it is they want to go. Check us out at Jason frazell.com, Facebook or on Instagram. Jason loves hearing from anyone who thinks it would be cool to connect, to be coached, or to be a guest on our show. email him at podcast at Jason frazell.com. Or DM him on Facebook and Instagram. And now, back to some a more amazing conversation on talking to cool people.

Jason Frazell: 23:28

All right. So usually, at this point in the show we I asked this question, what do you want the audience to know about you? And you know that we've already pre discussed? I think the answer to this question would probably be the thing that I've asked you to share. Anyway. So this is my agenda, which I generally don't but it's just such a fascinating story. And it was it was big news. Yeah. So if you'd be willing to share with us what I know you've shared this story with like Tamron. Hall, so probably willing to share it here at Mike my show, which is the second largest media outlet you've ever been on? Obviously it is it is for sure.

Unknown: 24:04

So I mean, after CBS Good Morning America.

Jason Frazell: 24:06

Exactly. Were they Yeah, after that we're here. So Bob, I'd love if you would just you know, maybe take 10 minutes and share with us this story of you and your wife and your son because it's unbelievable.

Unknown: 24:17

Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, as we already shared, I'm a father of a little over a two year old boy who I want to preface this whole story that he is completely healthy. He's completely whole. He is miraculous. And the thing I want your listeners to know, at the end, what I'm most proud of is I'm a father of a miracle. I'm a father of a miracle baby. And when you my wife had tried for about a year to get pregnant, and you're kind of coming to the terms of you know, maybe it's not going to happen, or maybe we need to start bringing in the medical community to support mortise in, in creating a child, and we didn't even know if we wanted that, we're kind of at the point like, like, well, let's try. And if it happens, cool, and if it doesn't happens, at least we tried, like, we almost couldn't make the decision fully that we wanted to have children. We were both getting up there. I was 45. She was 4142. And, and it was just something we didn't know that was gonna happen for us. And in my whole life, like, I resisted being a father. I know that not because I was just scared. I was scared to bring another life into this world. So, um, you know, for me to get to the point of even like, hey, let's see what happens was, it was a big step. And, you know, long story short, like literally like the week before, we're gonna, like, look at next steps. My wife woke me up on a Saturday morning. She's like, hey, I want to tell you something. I have something for you. I'm like, can we talk when I wake up? Stop bugging me. And she thinks it's mildly

Jason Frazell: 26:03

important. Yeah.

Unknown: 26:05

The whole bed was shaking, because she was shaking. Yeah. And she wrapped up a president and it was the positive pregnancy test. And I was like, what? And it's so weird to like, I've spent my entire life trying to not get someone pregnant. Right. And then to have it finally happened. You're like, is this real? Right? This actually happened? And I ended up making her take, like two or three pregnancy tests course, a couple days, because I didn't believe it. So we did the same. We did the same thing. Yeah. So, you know, we had, you know, so pregnancy was progressing. And we had a couple bumps here and there. And, you know, there are just some, some complications here and there, but nothing, nothing super major. And then the anniversary of five months being pregnant, we started putting the nursery together. Like I've heard that, you know, once you get to five months, like Kosis, clear, you're gonna have this baby, nothing to worry about. And my wife went out and ran some errands and I was putting together, you know, just rearranging things and she calls me she's like, she's like, something's going on. Something's not right. Like, you know, I think my water may be broken. I was like, what? I was like, in my mind, I'm like, she just peed herself. Like, she's freaking out. She's being overdramatic, she just peed herself, you know? And, you know, she came home and we were kind of like, Oh, now what? And then she had like another, like, release of fluid, essentially. And I was like, oh, man, this ain't great. And I have a background as a registered nurse. Yeah. So

Jason Frazell: 27:33

you have a medical thing? Yeah, you have training this? Yeah,

Unknown: 27:35

this isn't good. You know, five months, my wife's walk my wife's water breaks. So we called we called our our midwives are like, Yeah, you know, you probably just peed yourself. And like, we kept pushing and you're like, Well, why don't you come in? And the caveat to all this is, this also happened not only on our five month anniversary or five month pregnancy anniversary, it also happened on the day that Chicago shut down because of Coronavirus where everything just was like, shut down like like you're no one's on the street. Yes. Isn't scissor shut, like public transportation is not running. It was like a ghost town and getting into the hospital was like, getting into Fort Knox. It was like a, you know, episode of outbreak, right? Like you're trying to, like get in. And like we're being looked at like, we're the Walking Dead? Like, we're the carriers of the plague. Yeah. Yeah. Like we're like, scared, we don't know what's going on. So we get up there, they keep running a bunch of tests that kind of come back and conclusive and then we're there for like five o'clock until two in the morning. And like around one two in the morning, they're like, your water broke. You know, they did an ultrasound like the baby's heart still beating, but you're gonna lose this child. Like, and, you know, we can help it along, we can schedule a termination right now. So you can you know, begin your healing. And if you guys want to try getting pregnant again, you can't in a couple of months, but this baby's not gonna make it and we're like, we can't make that decision right now. We cannot like in who the hell are we to make that decision? Like we can't like what are other options are like, well, you can go home and wait. And what will most likely happen is that you'll go into labor or getting an infection both mean that you'll deliver the baby and the baby will pass away. Yeah. So you know, we were devastated. We went home. You know, just kind of tried to sleep through the night. Just the two of you. Just the two of it. Yeah, no. Yeah. Like we can't even like our family or like, the carriers of the plague. Yeah, we were scared. So so we called her OB she's like, come in, came in the baby's heart still beating the baby was moving. And, you know, this the tone of everyone that we talked to was so conciliatory, it was just like, we're so sorry, God, This really sucks. You know, blah, blah, blah. And we're like, are we gonna is this baby gonna die? Like, is this baby? Like, not gonna make it and she's like, it's so unlikely she's like, there's less than 1% chance that you're Your son will survive, or we didn't notice our son like that your baby will survive, survive. And I'm like, is there any chance that occurred? And she's like, it would take a miracle. I guess it would literally take a miracle. Yeah. And I was like, Well, I looked at my wife, I'm like, we're gonna work on the miracle. So we went home. And then, you know, again, like, pandemic, we can't even get groceries. We're freaking home. Right? Like, the most grievous time of our lives, our hearts are just shattered, we're so scared. And day by day, the baby kept hanging on. And you know, we're talking to maternal fetal medicine, doctors are talking to OB, we're talking to all kinds of folks. And they're like, they're like, you're gonna lose the baby. And even if the baby survives, it's going to be so riddled with medical conditions that its quality of life is going to be awful.

Jason Frazell: 30:51

It's because that like the amniotic fluid protects the M are not the end of the fetus from a lot of it nourishes the body as it's growing. Yeah, it

Unknown: 31:00

does a coat Yeah, one it protects two, it nourishes. And three, it helps with development. So that yeah, he's like swallow and, you know, practice like breathing in the fluid, which helps them grow their lungs, right, it helps with their development. So one of the big things that happens when babies who have low or no amniotic fluid is that their lungs can't develop. So they come out in the camper youth, right? So, so day in day goes by, and they're like, if you can get to 23 weeks, so three weeks from the time they happen, we'll admit, Shana, my wife, and we'll do whatever we can for this baby. So we're like, Alright, let's get the first first miracle. Let's get the 23 weeks. Yeah. And then boom, we got it. And then it was like, you know, let's get the 24 weeks because once you get to 24 weeks, the viability of the baby goes from like, 10% to like 70%. Like, like, literally day at a time, the odds of this baby surviving go up extraordinaire,

Jason Frazell: 31:57

external, so he could have passed away at any on any of the knees

Unknown: 32:01

time. Anytime, you know. So we're like, anytime we'd go in for like an ultrasound, we're just like, oh, my god is their heartbeat is their heartbeat. You know? And like, is it growing? Is it growing? Like, yes, you don't hear he was his heart, you know, his heart keeps beating he keeps he's actually growing in in my wife's womb with no amniotic fluid. And one of the, you know, one of the things I'll say like when she got finally admitted, we're like, let's find out the sex of the baby. And I believe this might sound a little out there. But I believe that my, our baby, being a son is what say, you know, being a boy, having a penis is what saved his life. And this might get a little woowoo. But when my wife was pregnant when we were like, just thinking about names, and before all this happened, I had a lot of real strong, like baby girl energy. And I'm pretty sensitive to like energies and relationships with people in my life. And I just felt really strong baby girl and she was convinced we're having a baby girl. And then when this happened, and we even named her we named her her name is Yara Yara was going to be our daughter's name. And when this happened, I believe that the spirit of our daughter came in and switch places with force or our son's name. Now call me crazy, whatever. But like, I feel like that happened. And what what actually saved our baby's life. One of the things I think did a well, I won't get there yet. But so he was sitting breech in in my wife's womb, which, like his butt was at her uterus, his legs were up, and his penis was pointing right in his face. So amniotic fluid is essentially a baby's urine. So it's so my, you know, since my son had a penis, he got the direct where the fluid was going. I mean, probably not intentionally, but it was going up towards his face. Yeah, so any amniotic fluid that he could create. He was getting it was getting into his face, and that's what helped him develop his lungs. It's unbelievable. It's crazy. It's crazy, right? That's so. So anyway, so my wife gets submitted, we find out that there's, she's she's on the fourth floor, and she's got a window looking out of a courtyard. And I'm like, you know, what else am I going to do? Like, like, can come see you like, I'll just I just want to see you through the window and I'm sick because you can't go in there. And because of the pandemic COVID restrictions, no, you can't go in there. And this is like Fort Knox, like unless you had to be like bleeding out and dying to get admitted to the hospital. Right? So they weren't going to let some you know, father and for whatever reason. So I started sitting outside her window, I grab a chair. I just sit out and we talk over the phone and I started making signs like you know love you keep going, you know, proud papa and someone from hospital ministration walked by and she thought I was like a union Strike or something I was out there like striking and like, you know, we need safer conditions are different. I was like, No, I was like, my wife's actually up there. And I told her about about what happened. She's like, Oh my God, and she's like, you just come here and sit and I go, Yeah, I don't know what else to do.

Jason Frazell: 35:13

Yeah. You know, like, you can't possibly be working or anything when this there's no way you'd be in this mental, right? Yeah.

Unknown: 35:19

I mean, I had, like, when the pandemic hit, I had a bunch of my corporate clients, like, freak out. And they were like, We need to pause. And then yeah, you know, my client load dropped quite extensively. So like, you know, I had two or three clients I was working with, which was actually a place for me to, like, get sourced, like, on my coaching calls, my clients like really helped and supported me because I got to, like, pull that, you know, pull my put my energy into something else. Right. Yeah. So I'd sit out there. So they ended up running a story about the husband who comes to the hospital in the like, the internal hospital, newspaper. And the next thing I know, the local news station is contacting me like, Hey, can we run a story on you? And I was like, Yes, sure. You know, you know, I would love to, I'm not doing much else. I'm gonna be here anyway. So they came out did a beautiful segment on us the next day, ABC affiliates, which is like, national. Gotta hold the story, and they wanted to run it. And you know, all of a sudden, I have producers from New York, California, calling me like wanting to hear about the dad who's sitting outside during COVID To like, you know, support his wife and baby. And then, like, the next day, it went global. Yep. Like, I was getting interviewed in Japan. There's like an awesome Japanese interview Japanese interviews the best Oh my God, dude. So like, their voiceover for me was like, Oh, I can't do it. But I'm so so good. The gruffness of it. Yeah. And, I mean, like 30 different countries, we are in every major news network, like multiple stories, like hundreds, hundreds of stories. And, and what was so beautiful about that was more people got to put energy into our baby energy into our story. And if people prayed, they're praying for us. And if people wanted to help, they're like, you know, throwing us money, you know, giving us some financial support, so we could put everything into this experience. And eight days from water breaking in until Forrest came home, and he came home at five pounds, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny and like here, you know, we went through this whole experience. He spent 20 days in the NICU sailed right through it, he kicked so much ass the NICU, the doctors were like, We have no idea how this kid is doing it. And I'm like I do. He's a miracle and the whole world. Got him to have this. Right. And. And it was just miraculous when he got here. And there's, through that whole experience. There are so many signs from spirit, so many signs from the universe. So many signs that like, we're all going to be okay. And it was all going to work out. And that number 108 is it's a very significant, significant spiritual number. There's a lot of mysticism and connection to that number. If you have mala beads, and like the real mala beads, they there's 108 beads. So like Google and look up the number 108. And I was like, of course it was that? Of course it was. It was that, you know, just like the connection and the mysticism and all that that came with it. And yeah, man, it was such a whirlwind, you know, such a whirlwind. And I think like, you know, we went through it, and then boom, like, we're new parents, this little tiny baby, still alone, because we can't see anyone during COVID. Right? Yeah, during COVID. And, you know, now he's a preemie. And like, there's even more concerns your restrictions about him getting sick. And, man, it was like a gauntlet. It was the hardest thing my wife and I, I mean, we're still recovering from it over two years ago. Sure. Like we like, we almost didn't make it and we're like, you know, we have a whole toolbox of tools, you know, through our coaching work. My wife's also coach, we know how to have hard conversations together, we know how to love each other through difficult times. And there are times where, like, we're just like, are we gonna make it? Yeah, you know, and, you know, it was it was hard. It was really, really hard. And you'd I think it it. Like I said before the break, like the whole opportunity here was to, you know, what, what you think becomes a thing, right? Like, where you put your energy. It'll grow right? And we put so much energy and focus in saving this baby's life. That along the way, we kind of forgot to do that for ourselves. Yeah. And one of the courts penance in any of the work that we do with our relationship couples is you have to put yourself first you have to fill your cup first nurture yourself as an individual first, before you can even bring your healthiest best version into another relationship with a relationship with another human being. Yeah, so and you know, we're both on empty, you know, now we got this little baby that's like just like yeah, that's like the letdown of like having the whole world in your back pocket fighting for you. And but I'm just like, you know, we have no one to help us change his baby's diaper it for him. Yeah. You know, so? Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, if you google google my name or date night, dad. You know, there's like a bazillion stories about it. Yeah, that'll be

Jason Frazell: 40:51

what a story, man. I wonder if force can ever do anything to have you apprec appreciate appreciate him last after that story. Like it must just be. We've had two pretty, pretty normal pregnancies. Yeah. You know, every parent loves their kid. But like, no matter what he ever does, you must just be like, dude, and like, and like, are you excited to tell? Like when he's old enough to understand what a amazing thing to tell you tell him and show him these videos. Like, What a legacy?

Unknown: 41:23

Yeah, well, yes. And no, like, I don't want to tell him because then he'll probably use it like, you know, use it for powers of evil. I'm a miracle. You can't.

Jason Frazell: 41:33

You can't tell me what to do. I'm a miracle. But

Unknown: 41:36

I mean, like, like, yes and no, man. Like, it's hard. Like, I'll look at him. And I'll be like, This is the worst thing I've ever done. Like, I hate being a father. I hate it. Yeah. And then I'll you know, I like, the next minute be like, this is the best thing I've ever done. I love being a father. I've always been a father,

Jason Frazell: 41:54

which sounds very which sounds very human.

Unknown: 41:56

Yeah, man. And it's like, you know, there's there's a realness and authenticity and authenticity to that, like, it's really hard. And people, not people don't talk about how hard it is. Right? And it's like, I still appreciate him. There's times I look at him was like, how, how did you do it? You know, how did you be every not only to survive, but then come out completely normal. Right? Yeah. Even if he survived, you like a 95% chance you'd have like, a trach, you know, breathing apparatus device or have like a, you know, feeding tube something right? And he's totally fine and normal. And then like, Yeah, I can't, how do you do and other times, like, this morning, I'm just like, I cannot wait to drop you off at daycare, because I can't stand you. Right. And it's such like, the, you know, it's such a yin yang dichotomy. Like, of being, you know, and it's like, I just had to accept that, you know, it's part of my own humanity. Yeah, it's okay to be challenged or, you know, have hard thoughts about the thing you love most of the world and it's like, it's just part of being human.

Jason Frazell: 43:02

Yeah. Are you a Star Wars fan at all? Yeah. You know, like, quote, I'm thinking I think you know what I'm thinking don't you? As it relates to this story, very famous.

Unknown: 43:14

Or the You are not my father? No. Well, I

Jason Frazell: 43:17

think we know that that's not it. No, see. Threepio empire strikes back there in there in the Millennium Falcon. See three deals, we have a point two 3% chance of surviving this asteroid field. Han Solo is one of the greatest quotes in the history movies. Never tell me the odds. Oh, yeah, totally. That's the worst. He's like he's like, Y'all can y'all talking out there? This is going to happen.

Unknown: 43:37

Yeah, the other the other like what I hear is from Dumb and Dumber. Oh, yeah. When he's like, trying to date the hot the dorks trying to date the hot woman. She's like, she's like, not, and she's like, it would be a one, like a million chance that I would ever go after you. And he's like, so you're saying, I've got it? It's like, That's it, man. He I mean, and, and how much do we we're not like, do we not bet on ourselves? And it's like, yeah, 5050 chance we might fail, right? I'm not doing it. Right. Or even like a 25% chance you may flop like I'm not doing it. Right. And that's it's such a good conversation to have is like, what would happen if you were to bet on yourself? Yeah. Or bet on the things you love most like what could be possible in your life, in your relationships in your career if you if you leaned into the possibility as bleak or as minor as it may seem? Yeah. And that's where I talk about if you were to pour your love and your hope into that and remain positive, that power of positivity with all of that, like, like miracles are gonna happen. And then

Jason Frazell: 44:44

there's, there's no, there's no way he survived. By chance, there's just there's just no way. Yep. And the fact that he's a perfectly healthy child like I was doing, I was doing the math, which I'm not a math person like 1% 1% chance of surviving. And then a 5% chance of being healthy. It is really a miniscule number that comes out, bro. Totally. Yeah. Like he's, he's, is he in medical journals and such now is there as your case been written up as like, or is it not viewed as like it's because it's not scientific that's that's why right it's like that's

Unknown: 45:16

it like they can't even like the doctors would come in and they'd be like he's rewriting the textbooks like none of this makes sense. Unreal knows he should not be breathing as well as he is. He never needed oxygen. There were like getting ready to do all these procedures on him and like everyone had to pause and be like, he doesn't need it. You know, like day three in the NICU. He like got Trent kicked out to like the step down, where all he had to do was gain weight. Like we see the fatness kid up and he can go home. And we were just like, how? Oh, yeah. Talk to us. We're like, we have no idea. Yeah, you know, I cannot receive my career

Jason Frazell: 45:55

cannot be explained by science. Well, the cool the cool thing is now I'm sure you know this as we start to wrap up is you also have given these medical professionals a story so the next time this happens, they're like we actually know of somebody that's happened. And so you have given other people hope. Yeah, man, by the fact that this is that the people know you, you and Sean and Forrest exist. Amazing story. I like when I when I had you on him, like we could do the normal format. But I think this is going to be much more powerful. And I mean, I like my format. But this is a such a cool story about Yeah. Good. Yeah. Felt good. Yeah. Thanks for Thanks. And thanks for being, you know, just like thanks for bringing the truth around all of it. Alright, so let's, let's wrap up and talk a little bit about what you're up to in the world because you do all sorts of cool stuff, including the thing that I mentioned the beginning that that I've been a part of. So you do so you're really it's funny for those listening, if you don't know Bob, and you see him you would not think that he's like a sensitive. Like, he's like a guy who works black, he's got guitars, you look you look like a wrestler football player, heavy metal guy. And I mean that I think that's super cool bobs from from getting to know you, you're you're like really in touch with like your unencumbered your feminine side, you're just like really in touch with what it means to be be a man all the way around, not just the Alpha masculine energy. And you do a lot of work with that. And you and your wife do a lot of work with couples. So let's talk for a couple minutes about, you know, kind of what what you're up to now, now that you're back making money in your business and you're not sitting outside of hospital. You spend your time doing Yeah,

Unknown: 47:26

can make make a difference in other ways. Yeah. So I mean, I think there's three main things I'm up to right now. One is, as you know, is the outcome alchemy of men, coaching groups, it's a it's a container for men to focus on their own growth, discover what might be missing in their life, getting clarity on their goals, to find, you know, what purpose means to them and, and create a life with some intention, like creating life on purpose. And one of the coolest things that happens in this container, is it just provides a space for men to open up and be real. You know, I think so many of us suffer from a lone wolf syndrome. Like I got it, I don't need you on my own, like this. self sufficiency is like golden and like, it's done so much damage to masculinity into men. And like, we're craving we're yearning for that brotherhood, that connection with other men and being in conversations that matter and, and this container, just one place to do that. And it's just super cool. We focus on the alchemical experiments, which is the precursor to chemistry in ancient mysterious spiritual type of science. And we just translate that into self development work. It's been really cool. The other thing that guy got going on well is the alchemy of men retreat, which I'm co hosting with my my brother, buddy, Alex, Terra Nova,

Jason Frazell: 48:44

and for taking in and fellow podcast guests on this show from the dreaming, we can go Yeah, three. Yes. And Alex is great.

Unknown: 48:51

Yeah, we're taking 15 guys into the woods, and we're going to create and have these conversations of that matter. And the core tenant or question we're asking is, what is being a man mean to you? And I think there's so much out there that tells us what we should be or who we should be or how we should act as men and we're actually tossing it to choose your own adventure, like you get to say, and you get to discover if that works for you. And if not, like what would right and yeah, you know, we're gonna talk about spirit we're going to talk about sexuality. We're going to talk about success what that actually means. So that's awesome container all inclusive is gonna be badass. We're gonna finally is

Jason Frazell: 49:31

there any is there any conversations about NFC North football teams?

Unknown: 49:35

Probably, I'm sure we'll talk about sports guys. But you know, I mean, Chicago Bears are the are the number one force in NFC so we want to just keep it that way. Just whatever it makes, you're just not the Vikings or the Packers lions or whatever. Anyway, and then, the third game up to is I'm the co founder of The Living love incubator and the other founders My incredible amazing gorgeous Goddess of a wife Shawna Morgan's beyond the operation. She's the brain she's she's all of it and beauty and the brain. She's pretty much she's pretty much it. Yeah, we support couples and singles and creating intentional relationships. We teach people how to be in relationship we coach people through challenging difficult times. One of the things that had a start this was, you know, in so many the clients that we talked to, we were talking about goal setting, and there to be goals and health and fitness to be goals and money. There'll be goals, goals and career and business. And then when it came to relationship, it was like, huh, yeah, like no one says relationship goals. So we're like, we want to be the champions of that. And, but so much of what we do, and again, like, there's no relationship school, we learn relationship from what we were modeled, which is not always the greatest, or what we how we think it should be, which is not always accurate, right? Yeah. So yeah, we get to have our folks create what they want in relationship. And, you know, have they continued along the way? So yeah,

Jason Frazell: 51:02

I, I am sure that that is a powerful thing, like with you and your wife, I don't know your wife, but I've seen your posts and everything, it looks like you to have a great partnership. And I can only imagine based on the training and what you've been through and what you all both know what you bring to that container. Amazing, Bob. All right. So we're gonna wrap up with some quick words of wisdom fit it on an Instagram post, what do you want to leave us with?

Unknown: 51:26

Oh, that's a good one. What do I want to leave you with? What is my answer wisdom. You know, I think you know, especially especially directed towards men is if you're feeling lost, or stuck or confused, like, look at discovering your purpose while you're on this planet. And look at the values that will help drive you towards that purpose. And those two things are foundational in creating a fulfilling life so much. So many of us go after success as the way to fulfillment, the cash and prizes. And then we get there and we find ourselves, you know, missing out on something. So double down on why you're here and what you're here to do. And just watch the magic happen.

Jason Frazell: 52:13

Amazing. Thanks so much for being on Bob. It was a real pleasure. I'm glad you're so good, man. And we'll you know, we'll we'll obviously stay very connected. And everybody please go follow Bob. Check out the website. We'll have all that stuff in there. And yeah, just keep doing what you're doing such important work. And also, when he's old enough, we need to get forced back on this podcast.

Unknown: 52:34

Yeah. How come? He's,

Jason Frazell: 52:36

I mean, you two are the star but he's the we need to talk to the real miracle. You do. Like the bears on it. Here's the DNA.

Unknown: 52:43

We're just the lackeys vs. The lackeys.

Jason Frazell: 52:45

Exactly. Alright, Bob, thank you so much. All right, brother. All right, man. I gotta

Unknown: 52:51

thanks for listening to another episode of talking to cool people with Jason for Zell. If you enjoyed today's episode, please tell your friends. Follow us on Instagram and Facebook and give us a shout out or take a moment to leave a review on iTunes. If something from today's episode pique your interest and you'd like to connect, email us at podcast at Jason for zell.com. We love hearing from our listeners because you're cool people too.