Talking to Cool People w/ Jason Frazell

Keri Cooper - Holistic Therapist and Author of "Mental Health Uncensored: 10 Foundations Every Parent Needs To Know"

June 29, 2022 Season 3 Episode 25
Talking to Cool People w/ Jason Frazell
Keri Cooper - Holistic Therapist and Author of "Mental Health Uncensored: 10 Foundations Every Parent Needs To Know"
Show Notes Transcript

Keri and Jason talk about why the vagus nerve is one of the primary keys to mental wellness, why Keri's personality is PERFECT for the type of work she does and why she knew she had to write the book that's been inside of her during the pandemic.

"You can only be you because everyone else is taken."

Keri Cooper, LCSW, is the owner of Keri Cooper Holistic Therapy. In her practice, she counsels teens and works to give them the tools needed to navigate life. She takes a holistic approach to therapy, looking at the whole person, not just the symptoms.

Keri is the author of the new book, “Mental Health Uncensored: 10 Foundations Every Parent Needs to Know” (May 2022). The book is designed to give parents steps on how to improve their child’s mental health. Keri is a speaker and writer who educates teens and parents on topics teens face in everyday life.

Keri is a graduate of The University of Pennsylvania.

https://kericooperholistictherapy.com/
https://www.facebook.com/kericooperholistictherapy/
https://www.instagram.com/mental_health_uncensored/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/kericooper1/

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Jason Frazell:

My guest on the show today is Carrie Cooper, holistic psychotherapist and author. And as we were just catching up, it's a first for the podcast. Somebody who lives in the same county that I do Karis is amazing. Yes, very random, completely random, very random. And we're not talking about living in Kings County or queens county or anywhere in the city where there's millions of people. We're talking about a county that I think has about 30,000 35,000 residents and Sullivan County in the Catskills to carry you after 130 Some episodes, you are a first for me, so welcome. And thank you for having me. So good that why we find out we're also neighbors in a way like 45 minutes away. It's so cool. It's so good. So good to have you here. today. We're recording this here, near the end of June just kicking off summer 2022. Welcome.

Keri Cooper:

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah. All right. So let's we've got a lot to talk about today. So let's go ahead and get right into it, we're gonna get to know you. And I'm gonna get to know you, because we just met about eight minutes ago, which is always fun for me, too. So Carrie, let's kick it off here. Well, actually, before we go, before we go into some questions, what does holistic psychotherapist mean?

Keri Cooper:

That's a great question. And it's a question I get all the time. Obviously, holistic psychotherapy is really looking beyond just the symptoms, but looking at the person's entire lifestyle, because I'm a big believer that how we're eating and exercising, and what we're doing in our daily lives is really impacting our mental health. So I really take the full picture. And that's what I mean by holistic.

Jason Frazell:

Because a lot of psychotherapists would just diagnose the mental, the thought process, perhaps. So you

Keri Cooper:

can see that you walk in with a checklist of anxiety symptoms, and that's what they're focusing on. But I'm focusing on you know, are you sleeping? Are you drinking, you know, five energy drinks in the morning, that may be impacting your anxiety? Let's make sure and see if we can get to a root cause of this.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah, gotcha. Well, we're gonna we're gonna dig in a lot more in this. So, Carrie, let's start off with something that may or may not be related to this topic. So what is something that you nerd out about?

Keri Cooper:

Oh, my goodness, I know this, let me tell you. So I love reading about the brain. Like, all that aspects of the brain, I read the most random books on this. And that's what I nerd out about. Like, I just enjoy it, like, tell me more feed me more information about how this is all working in there. So it does relate actually quite a bit to my business. Yeah, yeah, that's really what I enjoy. And that's not my background, like I, you know, didn't work in that area at all, but I really enjoy it.

Jason Frazell:

So anytime somebody says something to do with books, we get some free recommendations from my guests. What are some of your what is some of your go to what are some most impactful books that you've read recently, regarding the human brain?

Keri Cooper:

There's one about the vagus nerve. And I can't remember the title of it now. But it was amazing about how the vagus nerve really impacts everything that we're doing. Really, our anxiety levels. Yeah, it was really interesting. So now I'm, you know, really aware of that, and how that may impact the brain and how that may impact anxiety. So there's like different exercises to do with your vagus nerve, like singing and humming and I'm always telling my clients, I'm like, start singing in your car. When you're driving, you need to stimulate your nerve. Yeah, it's great for you. Yeah, so that, you know, interesting stuff. But one of the most impactful books I've ever read actually was quite some time ago, but I always keep it around. And it's called Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl and it's a really good book. And he went through the Holocaust. And he also came out the other end, you know, basically reinventing part of psychotherapy and a whole new way to approach it. And it's just an amazing book about like, human determination and human struggle.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah, I've heard of it. This reminds me of something I think it was. I don't know if you ever listen to Doc shepherds, armchair experts, one of my favorite podcasts he, he had, I think it was him. He had a neurologist on recently. And they were talking about an experiment where somebody had their pathways severed between their right and their left low love the right in their left hemisphere. And that were actually able to function just fine that way. But they're like, and I forget, it wasn't like it, they just severed but there was something that happened to this person. And they were able to do some things extremely well in some things. They had to relearn. But it's actually that they function separately, but I think it was, if I remember right, what happened was this person was quite artistic. And because they got severed, they like didn't have any ability to do art anymore. They weren't creative, because they ended up with like, it's very interesting to post this in the show notes. But it was really fascinating. And all the different things that we're still learning all the time about. The human brain is like the most incredible and crazy thing. You know,

Keri Cooper:

I tell everybody all the time, your brain is always learning, and it's slow. based upon how you're speaking to it, so when you're speaking negative all the time, that's what it's learning. And that's how it's now sensing the world. So we really can't change our brain like it really is within our power.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah. Yeah, it's really incredible. I, you know, we don't know each other, but I do like executive leadership coaching. And a lot of that is just mindset work. Yep. The limiting beliefs and those limiting beliefs help are designed for a reason, like our brain designs them for a reason, because children don't really have any limiting beliefs other than don't do this, or I'm going to like this is pure survival. Yes. And somebody, I have a therapist as well. So I like I love this work, because it's the idea that we can actually shift our shifting our thoughts can actually shift what happens for us in the world. 100%. It's so, so interesting. And so we in coaching, we call this the context that you see the world through limiting beliefs, what's the lens you see this through? And then how do you operate inside of that?

Keri Cooper:

Right? I see the world that determines how we operate every day. So when people are coming into my office constantly saying nothing is going right, nothing is going right, right. That's how you're seeing the world. Let's take a step back and start retraining your brain to see what goes right in your worlds. Yeah, and then you start noticing it, then you start noticing the stranger who smiles at you, then you start noticing something good that happened, you know, you notice the things that are good in this world?

Jason Frazell:

Yeah, that's the last thing I'll say this, before we move to the next question is, and the way we coach and train coaches is that, as humans, our ego likes to be right and run the show. So if we have a context about something, nothing is going right, we're always going to be looking for the proof of that. So it's actually going to continue to cycle cycle cycle. And I think the kind of work you do especially is, let's take a look at the different thing and build some new muscle around a different context. It's the this is the old adage, aid, age old analogy, hey, I'm not in the market for a red car, and then oh, I'm gonna buy a red car. And suddenly, all you see is red cars. Right on the road. Like, that's, it's so cool. So we could we could probably just spend the next 45 minutes just talking about this stuff. And we could and we are going to we kind of are because I have a feeling most of our conversation is going to be something around these topics, which we both obviously love. So Carrie, what's something that is inside of your comfort zone? That you know is outside of somebody else's? Like they're like, I'm not doing that? Or oh, that gives me a lot of anxiety or anxiety or fear that you're like, Yep, I love doing that.

Keri Cooper:

Yeah, I think one of them is that I can have people emotionally dump on me, and I'm good with that. Like, I, I can handle that. And a lot of people can, it's hard, it's hard to have the correct boundaries cannot then take it all in and make it yours. So I'm able to sit there all day long and have people you know, unfortunately, at times tell me really horrific, terrifying stories. And I'm able to be able to walk out of my office and leave that in my office and not carry that with me. And that's, you know, definitely a certain skill set that's within my comfort zone that allows me to do what I do. But, you know, for I think most people you can't do that. You can't hear some of these, you know, awful, horrific stories and not be shaken by them and not carry them with you.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah. Is that something that you've always had a natural gift for doing? Before you were professionally trained?

Keri Cooper:

Yes. I don't know why. But yeah, it's it's always kind of been in there with me. I've always had friends talk to me about you know, stuff and issues. And I'm always one of those people who I just have good boundaries, and I'm able to hear it and to listen and to be empathetic, but not to take it inside of me.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah, the terminology is transference. Right? Yeah, my anti transference. Yeah. Yeah, that's really interesting. So we take the reverse of that question. What's something for you, Carrie, that is, you are not comfortable doing fearful of you won't do that, you know, other people will go Heck yeah, that's for me.

Keri Cooper:

That's a good question. I'm really trying to think about that one. It's, you know, I think a lot of people are like, Yes, let's go out and meet a million people. And you know, what are we doing this weekend? And I tend to not love huge, large social settings. It's just not my vibe. I don't really like it. So I'm more like, let's stay home this weekend. What are we doing this weekend, you know, at home, and you know, everyone else is texting away being like, what are we doing? And I'm like, I'm in. So I don't want me to a big party. Yeah, I like to do that. You

Jason Frazell:

don't love that. No,

Keri Cooper:

I really don't. It's you know, you feel like you have to be on or at least for me, I feel like I have to be on so it takes a lot for me to be like Okay, sure. I'll go to this party. I don't love it. I don't love I like having intimate conversations with people. I don't like the small talk Small talk is honestly torture for me. I just don't do

Jason Frazell:

it. But you're on a podcast today.

Keri Cooper:

Well, this is different. This is about, you know, the good stuff, but I don't really good stuff. Yeah, I don't do small talk. Great. So I, you know, going to a party, I think is probably, you know, one of my biggest things where I'm like, oh, gosh, I have to do this.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah. Do you? Do you relate to yourself is more of an introvert.

Keri Cooper:

Definitely. 100% Yeah,

Jason Frazell:

I'm asking. So back to Dutch shepherds podcast, he just had the author of quiet and if you've read the book, quiet, she was just on there. Really great book I am. For anybody who's ever listened to show knows I am a complete extrovert. I'm 100% extroverted on the Myers Briggs. So for me, walking into a room of 100 people I don't know, is like really energetic for me. Like I love that I have zero fear that that is, that would be my answer to this question. If somebody is interviewing me, no problem. You're like going in that room? 100 people you don't know anybody. I'll walk in and make some friends and have some conversations. I love that. Part of the reason I ask is i A few weeks ago, I had Katarina Schnee gas on she's a coach in Germany. And she relates to she calls herself a friendly introvert. She's quite introverted, but also like really like energetic and bubbly. But we we had a conversation about that's not something she enjoys either. She much prefers the quiet the more one on one thing, and she but she does a lot of training with big groups. So me I do a lot of training as well. I like I can stand up in front of a room of 100 people train them, and then at the end, I'll be like, I'm not the least bit tired. She loves to do the training. But she's like, I'm exhausted. Yeah, like I've given all the energy, I need to go source myself. So it sounds like you were really chosen a profession that fits well with how you've been created. Yeah. Do you take on people's stuff? And you'd like to have intimate, meaningful conversations. So you must really love what you do?

Keri Cooper:

I do. And I'm so fortunate, because you know, it doesn't feel like work when you love what you do. So I have really, really long days when I'm in the office seeing clients, because you know, I'm a mom of four kids. So I try really hard to balance somehow being home with my kids and being at work. So when I'm at work, I'm at work, like all day, like from morning until very late in the evening. And I said all the time, you know, if I didn't love it, I would I do. There's no way I could see 15 people a day it just burn out. That's all it is. I know. I know. But I love it. So it's make sense every 45 minutes. It's like a new story. Yeah, somebody else's about this. So it's like really energizing. I'm never drained.

Jason Frazell:

That's I mean, that is very, you're very, you're very, not even fortunate. I'm sure it's all by design. But this is probably when you were deciding what you were going to do with your career, like figuring out like, Oh, this is the things I like doing. And then I'd like all of your answers so far. And I liked science. Yeah, I like I can take on people's I can be with people's strong emotions and things and not take it on. And I like intimate and powerful conversations. So you're a good professional. So Carrie, talk a little bit about speaking here. So I give you five minutes, not the speech here. But if I was to give me five minutes, your platform, you could deliver a speech to the entire world. What is it that you would speak on? And at the end of that five minutes, this is your mini mini Ted, Ted Talks, five minute TED talk, we all get to see it and watch it is your Brene Brown moment? What do you what do you want us to do with your speech at the end? Like what's your call to action for us?

Keri Cooper:

I think my call to action is to realize that everybody has their own power to really change their lives, I think we're so used to just relying on other people to tell us what we should be doing how we should be feeling how we should be fixing ourselves. And I don't think half that's necessary. I think that really, you know, like we were talking about your brain power before and how you could really talk to your brain and redesign your brain. It's the same with so much like you could take your own physical health into your own hands as well, to a large extent, you know, based upon what you're eating and how you're exercising and breathing exercises. And I don't think people realize that they have this power, like you have the power within to feel better, both physically and mentally. And you have to take the steps to do it. You can't continue to sit back and eat all the junk and live this lifestyle of not moving and then go I don't know why I feel so you know, awful all the time. Like you have to take it back. So I think that'd be really my message to the world is that you're more powerful than you think.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah. I agree with you. On all of that. What I hear sometimes hear this in coaching a lot too is that's true for others, but it's not true for me based on trauma stories. A lot of it's the way people are raised they're not raised in a kind of a what's possible Will context the reason I'm surviving? So for anybody listening who's out there? Most of my listeners are probably would agree with that and probably have experienced that. And you know, there's anybody out there listening who says, Yeah, I love that idea. I just don't know how to even start. And let's, let's talk nuts not talk about health. Let's talk about. Let's talk about that person who's like, nothing's going right for me. They're listening. And nothing's going right for me. Hopefully, this podcast is going right for them. Maybe it's a small place they can practice. You have a new client, nothing's going right for me, Carrie. Where would you have them start?

Keri Cooper:

I would normally have them start by finding one. One thing in their day. That did go well. And maybe that's just that you woke up this morning? Totally. You know, and sometimes we take that for granted. You woke up this morning. Maybe it's that you woke up in a comfortable bed.

Jason Frazell:

I love that.

Keri Cooper:

But one thing that did go right, and then you start building on that every day, what else went right? Yeah. You know? And also, then, where did you have an opportunity to make a good choice today? And to start seeing your choices also determined, you know how your day is going? Yeah, you woke up in the morning, you had a choice? Am I going to work out? Am I not going to work out? Like which choice did you make here?

Jason Frazell:

Yeah. When you when you're working with clients, and you have a new client who comes in like this context is like nothing is working. And you ask them one thing that works? Have you ever had somebody not be able to identify something?

Keri Cooper:

Yes. Many times many, many times?

Jason Frazell:

Because they're reinforcing context that like nothing's going right, right.

Keri Cooper:

I mean, your brain always has to prove itself, right? So if your story, if your story and your narrative is nothing is going right, your brain is going to 100% reinforce that. So then it's about really digging. And that's when I really dig about what did go right? Or, you know, for the next day, what can we make go right? Tomorrow? What choice are you going to make tomorrow to make something go right?

Jason Frazell:

I love that. Yeah, it's it's real. This is awesome. Carrie, we're gonna come back after a really brief commercial break. And we're going to talk a lot more about this. We'll be right back. All right, Carrie, we're back. So I think we've gotten a pretty clear picture of what you enjoy doing. And that you were very aligned in you're taking your interests and the things you care about and bringing them into a profession, which is always very inspiring, because a lot of people, myself included in a previous career, that's not really wasn't really my experience, either not fully expressed to be like you're pretty fully expressed in your profession. So what else do you want us to know about you? Because I believe you do some other things besides therapeutic work you, you're actually an author. And you're shared, you're also a mother of four. So like, Yeah, what else would you like us to know about you now?

Keri Cooper:

Yeah, so I'm a mother of four. My oldest is in high school, and my youngest is going into third grade. We just finish off the school year here. So no, yeah. Summer, right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Um, so summer fun begins, and you're having our day trips and are fun. And yes, you mentioned I'm an author. So it was really over COVID. During COVID, mental health, like blew up, it was so Oh, my gosh, it was so bad. And I just, you know, getting phone calls every single week, can you see my kid? Can you see my kid and I just there's one of me. And all my therapist, friends to everybody was booked, nobody can get any more people. And so it was over COVID that I was like, You know what I'm saying the same thing over and over again, in therapy, it's the same themes of you know, how to make your life better how to improve your mental health. I'm going to take this time I'm going to write a book. So I did the book was really written 14 months over COVID. And then it was published recently, and it's on Amazon. It's mental health, uncensored, 10 foundations every parent needs to know. And it goes through both the physical and the mental aspects of just if you have this down. Mental health will be easier. Yeah, I love that. Yeah.

Jason Frazell:

Wow. Did you ever? Do you picture yourself writing a book earlier in your career? Was it something you did, or something you did,

Keri Cooper:

it was always on my radar. Like, I would love to write a book. And then it just kind of sat in the back of my brain. And then it was COVID that I was like, I have to write a book. Like I have no choice right now because people need this information. Because again, it goes back to I really do believe we all have the power to make our lives better. We just need a little bit of a roadmap. So this book is really for parents not only comparing to benefit from this, but it's for them to really show you know how to raise a child that's going to have good mental health, because it starts when they're young. And then it continues all the way you know, through college.

Jason Frazell:

So when you say really young as the parent of two younger children, how young and I'm asking for myself?

Keri Cooper:

Yes, I think really yeah. cuz really young, you know, you're gonna start talking to your kids, and you're the ones preparing the food. I think people forget how food really does impact your mental health, you have to be eating real food, you know, most of your brain chemicals are actually made in your gut. So if you're not eating well, there's no way you're going to feel well. So that's where parents start, you know, day one, when you're introducing food. Are you introducing processed food? Or are you you know, introducing, you know, vegetables and, you know, fruits and stuff like that. And dehydration is a huge issue. huge issue in America, people don't even realize that. So, you know, are you making very hydrating? Completely? People aren't? I mean, I have kids in my office, and I'm like, How much water do you drink? And they're like, I don't know, like, What do you mean, you don't drink water? Like every cell in your body when they drink? Energy drinks? Yeah, coffee. Nothing that's actually hydrating them or flushing out the toxins in their body. So people don't realize, you know, these simple steps make a huge difference. So those are two steps that as a parent of really young children, that's where you start. And also, you know, one of the big things is letting your child try things out on their own, and let them fail and let them pick themselves back up again. You know, the moment they can carry their plate to the sink, let them carry their plate to the sink, the moment they can start using a knife, you know, relatively safely let them cut their own food. It may look like a steak knife. Right? It may look like a mess, or maybe food all over your kitchen. But let them try. This is how children gain confidence. This is how they become independent.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah. Did you as a mother of four, what did is this something that you've been practicing with all your children? Have you also learned a lot about this from a from also parenting your own family? Yes,

Keri Cooper:

I've definitely learned that much of this is sometimes easier said than done. You know, when you're trying to run out the door and let your three year old tie their own shoes. I can tie her shoes much quicker than she can. We got somewhere to go. But to sit and be like, Oh, okay, she's got to do the buddy loops on her own and let let them do it. It is hard. You know, and you know, I'm now in the age of teenagers who don't necessarily always want to listen to their parents. So I am an age now. But not being able to control their food as much and hoping that I've taught them enough to where they can make good choices when they're out and about. You know, my son recently said to me, he's like, I have been feeling great. He's like, haven't been getting great either. I said exactly. Like, I'm so happy that I did teach you that there's a link, you know, so he was able to at least notice that for himself and be able to pull back and change his diet, because you know, he's been out a lot because it's summer. Yeah, yeah. So you know, all of these things. But I think the biggest thing I've really seen with parents and with kids, and I see it a lot when they hit college age is if you haven't let them become independent, if you've done everything for them. They're really going to struggle college, they're not able to live an independent life.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah. They'll end up they'll end up home every weekend with mom doing the laundry for them.

Keri Cooper:

Yeah. Or more efficiently, many times they fail out of college because they just can't handle it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. My thoughts come December for college kids. And they're all academically able to handle it. It's yeah, it's sad. It's everything else.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah, it seems like wasted wasted potential. completely wasted potential. That's a shame. Yeah, the before we move on to the next thing I was gonna mention, I have a client who has been looking for a therapist, and she cannot find one right now. She's in Brooklyn, she can't find a therapist, like nobody. It's either wildly expensive, or there's just nobody available. And she's been trying for three months. So yeah, therapy has been a there's been a it's been a pandemic, it was a boon for therapy. My therapist also told me, she's like, I'm booked fall, I was with her before the pandemic, but it makes sense. People are lonely and have a lot of on to me, like, where therapy really becomes something that people get into as uncertainty. Yes. So they don't feel like they can figure it out themselves anymore.

Keri Cooper:

Right. And that is a great time to be gone to therapy. And unfortunately, right now, I know all of my therapist, friends and you know, myself included were fault. You know, we can't take on any more. So it's really hard. There's definitely a shortage of therapists. But that's why, you know, if you're able to change a few things in your life on your own, you're able to start feeling better, like yes, a therapist is great and wonderful, but you need to do some stuff on your own as well and you can do that stuff. You know, there's been tons of studies that show exercise being just as effective as many you know, antidepressants. So it's like try try to get to you know, exercise try to sleep better. Sleep is huge. People are not sleeping well either in America No. No, you know eat better drink better meditate you know start doing things that bring yourself joy. You know once a week what brings me joy? What can I do? That's gonna kind of spark me up inside.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah. Oh, that. Alright, carry. So now is the chance for you'd somebody you met 33 minutes ago to ask me something that I can answer for you. And for everybody listening, what would you like to ask me about? Sky's the limit?

Keri Cooper:

Sky's the limit? I'm gonna actually no idea what's coming in that you asked me. Yeah, I want to know what do you nerd out about?

Jason Frazell:

Oh man, I nerd out about so many. Let's see we have about an hour 30 minutes. Try not to I like to put myself on a timer because as an extroverted and external processor, we'll be here till the end of the episode to talk more about your book, everything else I nerd out about. Pick one thing I nerd out about film, film or talk about this a lot. But I am a I'm a big cinephile. And my family. My brother is even bigger nerd about film in a good away than me. And we have a family tradition that every year all of us. So it's myself. I have a younger sister, my my brother in law, my sister's husband, my brother, his wife, so my sister in law, and my sister in law's Mom, we watch all of the Oscar nominated Best Picture nominees every single year. And then my brother blogged about it. And we all rank stack, rank them and then we write a blurb about each of them. So the trivia is I've seen every Best Picture nomination in the last 14 years, I believe. Wow, a lot of films. That's because it's anywhere between eight and 10 films every year. So if you if people listening there you like I like I saw every film like dune Kota. Like, all of them. I saw, I've seen them all every year. I'm also I have this weird thing. It's I think it's partially why nerd out about this, I have this weird thing with my memory where you could name a film. And if I've seen it, or even if I haven't seen it, I generally know who directed it a lot of the times and I know who is in it, I know if it's good or not. And then I have a terrible memory and other areas of my life that were that would be much more valuable. But I have like a very natural connection to that. So for me, like I really nerd out about like classic films, I nerd out about AFI top 100 I nerd out about like, what are my favorite films from the Oscars I nerd out about like that film should not have been nominated for the Oscars. And I don't talk about this that often. And it's also interesting because my wife could care less. She just doesn't she's not a movie person. Like she likes movies, but she could just care less. She's like, it was entertaining. I'll see it and I'm like, what was the rotten tomatoes on this one? Oh, it's below 80% Yeah, I think I'm gonna pass on it. I've also seen a ton of foreign films. I have no problem watching movies in subtitles, like if they're good, or like, Oh, watch them. So I've seen I've seen a lot of like, Best Picture foreign, you know, like foreign film nominees and foreign language nominees. I mean, and yeah, I'm just a big film, film nerd and I've actually turned into a TV nerd because TV is the best it's ever been. It's like the budgets now are as good as they are for big films. Like a lot of the did like a lot of the Star Wars stuff on Disney plus, and a lot of the Netflix shows like stranger thing these budgets for these shows like 10 million an episode was just as good as movies that are out. Well, I'm I'm wrapping up Stranger Things right now. We just wrapped up. I love Stranger Things I'm on I'm almost sort of episode seven. Okay. And then they're gonna make us hangout for I think until July a couple weeks, but I love Stranger Things and wrapping that up. Also, I just watched the staircase on HBO Max. Okay, it's Colin Firth, and Toni Collette and it's about the Michael Peterson case where she like the woman she died. And it's it was an It was, yeah, it was so is it. It wasn't best. It was a documentary that won an Oscar and I think 2004 by a French director about him, and they followed him around for years, and they just remade it as a as a, like, fictional Colin Firth. He's amazing, because Colin Firth is like the ultimate Brit. And then he's like, plays like a very American character. And that was really good, too. I mean, awesome cast. And yeah, I'm a I'm just a big like, entertainment nerd. And I'm also an entertainment elitist as my wife calls me, which is really annoying to her because she's not. And I'm like, I don't know, this rating is not high enough. I don't think I'm going to waste my time with it. But yeah, great question. Nobody's ever asked me that.

Keri Cooper:

Yeah, I just broke down the staircase to put it on my to walk. Very good.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah. Well, let me ask you as we wrap up here, what's a great film you've seen recently, I'm always looking for recommendations.

Keri Cooper:

So my husband my husband loves movies. I really do not like movies. I don't watch them. The last one. We actually watched one recently. I think it was hustle Why am I blanking? It was like basketball related. Oh, Adam Sandler.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah, I heard Adam Sandler, which means I have not seen it very likely. My point,

Keri Cooper:

it was actually a great movie.

Jason Frazell:

It's on Netflix. It's a new movie. I heard it's actually pretty decent. Yeah,

Keri Cooper:

it was actually really good. Yeah, for some reason, even though I don't like sports at all. I actually like sports movies for some reason. So we also just wrapped up. I think it was a series on the Lakers that they just did.

Jason Frazell:

Oh, yeah. That's great. That's fun. And that was not the greatest show. But yeah, yeah. fictionalized with John C. Reilly. And he was great. That's really good. Yeah. So we just thought that I want to give to you, as, as we move back to you. I want to give you a recommendation I think you would enjoy as a therapist. Do you like? Do you watch foreign films later? Subtitled? I will Yes. Yeah, I would highly recommend for everybody listening as well. worst person in the world. It's not it's a Norwegian film. stunning, stunning movie was up for Best Foreign Film this year. So good. It's a it's like a it's about a woman. It's about it's like, it's not a rom com, per se. It's like just really about the journey of a woman. It's a lot like an Annie Hall. It's not quite as funny if you ever seen any ha the Woody Allen movie, like that really, really amazing film. Beautifully done. Really interesting. It's about relation. It's really about relationships, a lot of therapeutic type of stuff in there.

Keri Cooper:

You know what else I really love to watch. I love to watch all of like, the murder mystery documentaries. Like I love a good murder. You know, documentary. My wife does, too. Yeah, they're fascinating.

Jason Frazell:

You'll like the staircase then. Okay. Yeah, have to watch this because it's a moot. It's a miniseries based out of documentary. Okay. Yeah, you'll really like it. Awesome. Thanks for the question. I love that. Carrie, what are you passionate about?

Keri Cooper:

What am I passionate about? I'm really passionate about having experiences. Like, I want to do things, I want to see things like, you get you have one life, you know, so like every school break, I'm like, where are we going? Where are we going on vacation? What are we going to say, you know, yesterday was my kids first day off from school. And I was like, alright, let's head into the city, we're going to, you know, the Museum of Art, like, we need to go see things. So I'm a big believer and like, you need to have experiences, you need to be doing things. I don't care what those things are, you know, like, let's look for see glass, you know, somewhere, like, doing things like that's what fuels me. That's what I love. You know, my kids will laugh. I'm like, I also love Disney way too much. And, you know, we're a big Disney fan going there often. But I really do love experiences and travel and you know, vacationing with my kids?

Jason Frazell:

Yeah, did it? Is your husband the same way? Um, you know, I book everything and he shows up. The way you didn't quite answer my question. Yeah, no, I love the the avoidance of the direct answer. That's perfect. Yeah, I think I get what you're saying. So he likes it. But he doesn't want to plan it. That sounds familiar. My wife is also my wife works in travel. Oh, anytime that and by the way, we were we went to Disney World for spring break this year. Which the only outcome of that trip would be that we came back with COVID because it was Disney World is spring break. And it was completely sold out. And we came back with our first step about a COVID through the house. Yeah. But yeah, it's funny. My wife is the same way. She's like, do you wanna do this? I'm like, Just plan it. I'm going to be so useless in this process compared to what you know, because she she's she used to work at an airline, so she knows a lot about travel and how to make it all work. What about your, so your husband shows up? I can totally appreciate that. What about your four children? Are they similar to the Are they really new experiences?

Keri Cooper:

Yeah, they are. They've really experiences because that's kind of how they've always grown up with us, you know, with the with the next experience. So for my children, I have four and three of them are girls. I'm like, listen, there's no way we're doing a sweet 16 party. Like it's just not what we're doing. I don't like parties to begin with. It's, you know, a big hassle, it's drama. I said, you're gonna pick an experience, pick where you want to go. And that's what we're gonna do. So my son is actually the first one who's about to turn 16 soon so he he's a kid who anytime we go on vacation, he just wants to snorkel like he wants to be in the water. He wants to be seeing the fish like that's just what he does. So he picked you know where we were we're gonna go next year for his 16th birthday and he's now I said to him, like you look for the restaurants you look for what you want to do, they're like you tell us so we're trying to give them you know, more of a planning purpose and you know, letting them take kind of take the lead on it.

Jason Frazell:

You probably know this carry but I grew up, I grew up similarly, we didn't do a lot of like plane travel. But I grew up very, with my parents and also my grandparents a lot of experiences, like in a really great way. You know, the result is a parent, what's going to happen most likely, is your children are going to want to go to school far away because it's a better experience. And they're gonna end up moving away from you. And so I remember this few years ago, my mom was talking, we're just going to like because we live, my parents are in. I'm from Minnesota. My parents just live in Minneapolis. And we live in New York. And my remember your Tama like, well, and my brother and sister and their spouses all live in Washington, DC. And we were all talking about this a Christmas we were back home and something came up were like, well, we get do we do something wrong, and it wasn't like a sad conversation like dad's like, we raised them to be independent this is there's no surprise that they're going to end up where they actually want to be as opposed to feeling like they need to be close. So you know, it's very likely you're going to have what your child to be like. So we live in New Jersey, now I'm probably going to want to go to school in Seattle, or maybe the travel abroad, etc.

Keri Cooper:

They'll go far. I'm just hoping all four of them kind of wind up in the same area. That way, it's easy to then retire to that area. See what happens. But yeah, no, I don't see them sticking around in New Jersey

Jason Frazell:

at all. Yeah, no. Well, then that's fortunately what what's happened for my parents is like, you know, we're in the eastern seaboard. We got DC, that's an Amtrak to to New York. It's not a big deal. But yeah, that would be when people are like, oh, like, my sister lives in California. And I live in upstate New York. That was a that's a pikes for parents and they want especially when the grandkids come in, then it's like, oh, boy. Yeah, excellent. So Carrie, what what are you most proud of?

Keri Cooper:

What am I most proud of? I'm proud of, I'm proud of a lot of things, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm proud of my children, because that's not easy. So I'm proud of that I'm proud of, you know, my practice, like, I never thought that I'd be in this position. You know, years ago, when I've, you know, I never thought I'd be like a businesswoman. And here I am. And I'm really proud of my book. Like, I joked that reading this book, it was like giving birth to another child. It's like, it is such a process. And then it's like, then it's here, and you have to still nurture it, and then to work with it. So those are the things in my life that I'm really proud of, you know, they're huge accomplishments for me.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah, I love that. The I've got a response to the kid thing, every single parent on my show, is always the kid. And they'll be like, I know, this is cheesy. I'm like, it would be weird if you didn't say this. But actually question your priorities, too. I do a lot of I do a lot. I do personal branding work at a firm called brandbuilders. Group. And we have a lot of authors. And so I, I don't work on the book part of it, but we work on the marketing part of it. And boy, I learned a lot about the labor of love that writing a book is and that a good book by itself doesn't sell at all, we have a saying something, it's the number of the number of copies you'll sell, without a good marketing and sales plan is the number of relatives you have. Like, yeah, so for all of you out there who are listening, who maybe want to write a book, or or just want to support people like Carrie, like support authors, it is a tremendous labor of love, because you're pouring yourself out of these pages, your knowledge, your passion. And then most authors don't sell a ton of books anymore. There's just, there's so many things out there. And I just have great respect. I'm, I'm somebody I'm very fortunate. I'd never want to read a book. I don't like writing. And I know that's why I'm a podcaster. So like, you're like, oh, you should write a book. I'm like, no, that sounds like my version of hell. But yeah, I just have a lot of respect for people that that get their work out there. So I was really encouraged people to support authors. If it sounds interesting, you go out and buy it on Amazon. And it's also well known the economics of writing a book. It's not great. Unless you are a big, big name at this point. You don't right. It's just not it's just not a meaningful Yeah,

Keri Cooper:

right now, you know, I wrote it because I really feel like people can benefit from this book and really change their life. And I feel like you know, the happier everyone. Is that better for everyone? Yeah, totally. So let's bring everyone on the path to good mental health. It just benefits everybody.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah, as you go up to your house upstate, the more happy people that are on the road, less road rage you have to deal with so I, it's, it's great. You don't you're not to have your kids get flicked off by somebody on these drivers. Alright, so it's always I've had a few therapists on. I generally say this question is my therapy question. I'm really interested in what you think this? Because it generally brings up to me the therapy, a little bit of a therapeutic thing, but the question for your carriers, what's something you're afraid that might actually be true about you?

Keri Cooper:

Hmm, that's a good question.

Jason Frazell:

You can use it in your practice if you think it would be applicable to you A client, right? You can license it from me, I'll send you the contract later.

Keri Cooper:

What am I afraid might actually be true of me?

Jason Frazell:

About you? Yeah, yeah,

Keri Cooper:

I think that, um, sometimes people see me as like, very just to the point, and not in a good way. And I'm always like, no, like, I'm so you know, personable, and I could talk to you. But I think when I do read back my emails, I can be seen as just, you know, quite blunt, and maybe not in the nicest of ways, because I'm not wordy. And that was actually a problem with writing the book. I'm not wordy. So my emails come across, maybe not the nicest when I'm typing them. And I've actually had, you know, some people be like, I thought you weren't angry with me? And I was like, no, why? And then you're reading back the emails. I was like, Oh, I could see that.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah. So here's the follow up to this question that you don't know. What do you do to compensate for that?

Keri Cooper:

I probably should be doing things to compensate for that. But

Jason Frazell:

there's nothing.

Keri Cooper:

So I think my emails are just taken as a little bit, you know, nasty. When they are not meant to be I'm just I'm not worthy. I'm just not a worthy person. And when I'm sending emails, you know, not for work, but more like my personal life. And you know, my kids school and stuff like that. I just, I'm just to the point. I don't want to waste anyone's time. So

Jason Frazell:

yeah, I hear I hear. I hear the power of the emoji might be something you could add to your repertoire,

Keri Cooper:

maybe? Well, smiley face like a little a

Jason Frazell:

little a little a little smiley face emoji. And you'll, I think you'll appreciate this. I had a I had a guest out a long time ago and asked him this question. They're like, and they gave me an answer. So what do you do to compensate for that? They're like, I don't do anything to compensate for that. I was like, You're lying. And I didn't say that to them on on air. But it was it was like a very, obviously, like a traumatic thing that they believed to be true about them from their childhood. They're like, I do nothing. And I'm like, huh, so it just sat there. And they finally came up with something. I'm like, Ah, see, because everybody does the thing that we're afraid, you know, this, like, this is 101, the thing that we're afraid of, and we're all afraid of something about ourselves, sometimes it's a little more serious about things. It's very much. There's also things that we're afraid because it comes from our childhood, right? We're always the way we show up in the world is actually a direct reflection of that compensation for that thing. So that we can prove that it's different, right. So I get a, you can imagine if I should write a book about this question and anonymize it, because it's really interesting, actually, what people say that they do to compensate and you'd be like, yep, therapy, one on one therapy, one to one therapy one on one. Yeah, definitely. Like I'm unlovable. So what do you do? I really tried to be likable with everybody. Yeah, yeah. That's cool. All right. So next, if we ever communicate via email, I expect to see an emoji if it feels a little flat. I'll write you back. I'm a very warm you. I'm probably the other side. I'm like, Hey, how you doing?

Keri Cooper:

Yeah. Yeah, there's none of that in my emails. It's right to the points.

Jason Frazell:

There you go. Love it. Well, so Carrie, how do you see the world?

Keri Cooper:

I see the world. First of all, I don't watch the news. I think that's really important in this because I don't like the way I don't like the way the news portrays the world. I really do feel like people are kind, I really do feel like people are helpful, I think you just have to ask, I think you just have to ask for help. And people are more than willing to actually lend a hand or give you advice and, and be there. And I don't think that's the way the world is portrayed a lot. I think it's portrayed as like, everyone's just out for themselves. And I don't think that's the core of human beings. You know, I was working with somebody recently who was scared about going on a trip. And she's like, What if I can't lift my suitcase into the overhead bin and I said, you turn around, you ask someone for help. And she's like, people are gonna help me. I was like, yes, people will help you. Like people, really. We're all humans. We're all here together. I do believe that at the core of everybody. They do want to help. So that's kind of how I view the world. And yeah, the more comfortable I've gotten with that concept, the more I will ask somebody for help. And they do. And you know, asking someone just for advice, or hey, can I have your ear for five minutes? I want to run something past you people are more than willing to do that.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah, it's such a bummer that positive news stories are called fluff. I know. But it's not it's not most it's not news. Right? I mean, it's news but it's not it doesn't sell what sells is oh today's the you know, the ongoing capital January 6 trial and today is like Roe v Wade next week, all these things that and they're very like all these things are very, in my opinion, very important. They're obviously wildly important because they affect our society and our culture and everything. But yeah, it's like there's like, known, like known news as an interesting of its positive most of the time, right? Was like, what's the what's the conspiracy? what's the, what's the thing that's wacky because I guess as humans we like, we'd like to drama somewhere else so that we can feel like our lives are stable is what I think a lot of it comes down to. So I do read the news every day. But I don't generally dig in too deep and anything that I'm not actually interested in, like, I know people, like they just read all the stuff and get fired up about it. I'm like, you know, you have the most of these things. You have no ability to control or impact at all, they have nothing to do with you other than like, you're just it's like salacious news. I get it like it can it can be a creature comfort for people as well. But I like that, do you or your children? Do they pay attention to like, do they read the news? Because in school, you know, when you're in school, but in school, you're listening social studies and current events and such? Yes.

Keri Cooper:

So my older kids, you know, they will the news is normally on, you know, at the high school level. So they do see some stuff. And you know, we do talk about it when when it comes up. And yeah, there is some really sad and scary things going on in this world. There's no denying that, you know, my kids don't live in a bubble. They do know this. But I don't want them seeing it all the time. I think that's just too much. You know, whenever a massive crisis happens in the world, I tell parents all the time, turn off the news. Your child does not need to see this replaying constantly.

Jason Frazell:

No, no. All right. All right, Carrie. So let's talk a little bit more about the book and where else people connect with you when you might have some availability of people. And so as a therapist, you are licensed obviously, New Jersey's your light, we're also you licensed

Keri Cooper:

it, I'm just licensed in New Jersey, currently just New Jersey, right. So yeah, you have to be in New Jersey to see me. By the way, I think maybe changing soon, I know there's a lot of legislation happening because, you know, that's a problem. We're short therapists to begin with, we should not be held just to the state that we're licensed in, if I could do therapy in New Jersey, I could do it in New York, I could do it in Pennsylvania, I could do it in Washington, wherever, that's a regulation that needs to change and needs to change immediately. Why it's there is really for money. So you can take attach to another state. So you can do continue adding another state. It's not helpful to anybody.

Jason Frazell:

I believe that there is actually there is reciprocity. There is a reciprocity agreement across a number of states. So I had a therapist that was talking to us told me I'm part of this, and he was I believe he was in Maryland. He said, I'm part of this environment, and it was like, and I said, where do you practice? And he said, I practice in these 23 states because they have some sort of reciprocity agreement or something, right, that has not New York and New Jersey, we're not in the list now. And that has not hit social workers yet either.

Keri Cooper:

So there is legislation, I don't know which states are going to be included. I'm hoping all of them to be honest. Because especially now in the world of telehealth, there is no reason why I can't help somebody in a different state. Right? Absolutely. It's the regulation that has to change and has to change really immediately. So I'm hopeful about that bold change. And I'm hopeful that they look beyond the money that these regulations bring.

Jason Frazell:

We shall see. We shall we shall see. That's where maybe I'm not so positive about about how things operate. Yes, me too. Unfortunately. So. Yeah, so Carrie, licensed in New Jersey. So you can see anybody in New Jersey. Do you do it sounds like you do you have it in practice in person to practice? Yes. County, New Jersey? County, New Jersey. Do you do also do telehealth? Yes, I do. Yeah. Excellent. And how would people connect with you? Should they want to know more?

Keri Cooper:

Sure. My website is really a wealth of information. Carrie Cooper, holistic therapy.com And Carrie is ke R i I know everyone spells Carrie a little bit differently. I'm also on Instagram at Carey Cooper holistic therapy, and I'm on Facebook. And then really, my book is on Amazon right now. So it's mental health uncensored, 10 foundations every parent needs to know. And it's on Amazon as an e book and paperback right now. So they could shout out to and really gain a ton of information through that.

Jason Frazell:

Yeah, everything you just said will go into the show notes so people don't have to be writing things right. Well, Carrie, I want to thank you so much for being on Thank you for having me. Nice to get to know you help. This wasn't totally small talk you still you're still here so I think he did all right. And yeah, just keep doing the good work you're doing it's so important to have people like you out there doing work with you know, quite frankly, a lot of people are struggling Yes, that's from the pandemic but there's just a lot there's this it just to me it feels like there's a lot going on now you have economic things going on and stock market and inflation and fuel prices and these these things all drive up and now we also have a lot of parents who now have children home for the summer which creates a whole new That of like, remember when they were gone for seven hours a day, and now they're, they're here. But another

Keri Cooper:

great opportunity, I always say summer is a great opportunity to try to put some of these changes into place. So yeah, the book is should be summer reading for every parent and implementing changes before the school year starts and the craziness of the schedule kicks in.

Jason Frazell:

Imagine if Imagine if everybody read these in practice, and practice this with their children, it would be a different world, like what would be different worlds? Yeah. Excellent. So last thing, leave us with some official carry words of wisdom. And these should be short and sweet. So something you throw in an Instagram post. So what do you got for us?

Keri Cooper:

Oh, yeah. That was like a question I wasn't prepared for, let me think but short interface. Um,

Jason Frazell:

this is, but this is also your sweet spot.

Keri Cooper:

I know. To the point, you would think I would know, right? I'm actually like, thinking of my Instagram posts. I put up quotes all the time. You know, one of my favorite quotes is I'm gonna I'm gonna mess it up. But it's, you know, you can only be you because everybody else is taken. You know, like, I love that. Like, that's great. Yeah, that might have been from my Kurt Cobain or something, actually,

Jason Frazell:

I think it was, I think it might have been a musician. That's

Keri Cooper:

Cobain, and I love that line. And you know, I also love and a bunch of different people have been given this quote, I think it's actually from a sports player. But you know, you miss 100% of the shots that you don't take the Wayne Gretzky. Yeah. And I always ask people like how to least try. What's the harm in trying with my other favorite phrase constantly is what's the worst that's gonna happen?

Jason Frazell:

And most of the time, the answer is not a big deal, right? It can be, they can do some things. But most of the time, it's not exactly very impactful, other than it makes us feel bad in the moment or something right? Or it's a knock to our ego. Yes, yeah. I love that carry. Well, I want to again, thank you for being on best to best wishes to you, the family and all the adventures you're having all the experiences. It was so good to connect. And let's have you back on again soon.

Keri Cooper:

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. Thanks so much, Carrie.